Golden Retriever, Yes!

Hogan Here!

I have said it before and I have to say it now.  I look just like Donald but without the tie.  I am a Golden.  So. obviously, Donald is a Golden.  We are kin!

Kin have to watch each other's backs.  I'm kin so I've got to prepare my watch. After all, Donald is our next president! Sometimes what you must do in life isn't what you always have planned.  But who would have planned on Donald being a Golden?  

A Donald Moment

In The Moment 

Hogan Here!

It is hard to be in this political race with so much attention directed toward my look-alike, Donald Trump.  While, I really don’t know Donald, I have rightfully given him the title of Honorary Golden.  You have to hand it to him!  He looks just like me.  So,”Honorary”, he is.  This honorary status also awards Donald the unique character traits that only belong to Goldens.

If elected, Donald will be a peerless President.  Up until now, the Presidency has been dictated by ritualistic structure. But, Goldens don’t work well in structure.  Goldens are dictated by the moment.  One moment leads into another and before you know it, an old bone is found, a new friend is made, or the rock once chewn turns into two.  Life gets better.  With Donald in the Presidency, life will get better. But, no one else but Donald, myself and all the Goldens in the world will understand.  We will be living in the moment while everyone else will be putting needle and thread to patterns that only, when finished, get hung on walls and many times never get finished at all. 

DON'T ALWAYS RETRIEVE THE EXPECTED

The One Percent

Hogan Here!

I don’t know why any dog gets up for breakfast.  Breakfast is, usually, heated frozen food, strong coffee and unreasonable schedules.  The only snack for a dog is licking a greasy plate left in the sink.  Drain board surfing only finds daily lists and crumbs.  Most dogs are just salivating for nothing!

Well, I have other thoughts. Breakfast is really one of the sweet spots of life. It is the time when thoughts can flow without interruption and good comfort food can pave the day.  I say, bring on the family discussions basted with poached eggs and bacon but leave the table scraps on the counter.  Yes, allow everyone to move into their morning schedule with positive limits of planned accomplishments.  Make sure that cleaning the kitchen isn't on that morning schedule.

Now, it's the dogs' moment!   G-o-o-o-o dogs!  Go counter surfing!  This is your sweet spot.  You clean the kitchen.  Later, when your folks come home, ask for forgiveness.  It's too late for the permission part!  And, if necessary, point out to your folks that, in a dog's world, they are in the One Percent!  Can't they give up a few scraps?  Yes, they can!

HOPE FOR THE BEST

                                           

Mind Reading!

Hogan Here!

I am lucky to be a dog.  No one tries to read my mind and follow their clairvoyant efforts with false judgment about my intentions.  Nope. I am left alone with my thoughts that take me to wonderful places, where my imagination is full and my capabilities are limitless.  I am free to be a dog.  I am free to be Hogan.    

Mind reading!  The way I see it, “mind reading” is common for those that think with a closed fist rather than an open hand. And their judgment follows.  What a mess!

I prefer my thoughts to be mine only.  As I have said, my thoughts can take me to wonderful places, where my capabilities are limitless and my imagination is full.

Yes, I will be left alone with my thoughts.  Dogs aren’t thought to be great thinkers.  But, we are.  I think deeply under a soft coat of fur that soothes the world.  A mind reader would only pass me by with a light stroke on the back  

But, to be perfectly clear:

Mind reading?  Don’t try it on me!  Again, I am a Golden who’s thoughts go to wonderful places, where my capabilities are limitless and my imagination is full.  

THOUGHTS GO TO WONDERFUL PLACES

Friendship

Hogan Here!

FRIENDSHIP

HEIDI AND ME

The Power of Positive Thinking

Hogan Here!

Don’t feel sorry for me.  Stress happens to everyone.  Yes, I am lying flat on the floor and planning a panic attack.  You would, too, if you were chased by a leaf blower for the last few hours. 

Well, the fact is that I wasn’t really chased.  Every once in a while, I have to exaggerate.  Actually I was inside the house barking at windows and running over furniture while chasing the leaf blower.  Yep, the leaf blower was outside and I was inside.  There is no real difference in location as far as the leaf blower is concerned.   It calls for aggressive action.

But, now, the living room alone has two displaced chairs and multiple decorator pillows strewn across the floor.  I was running too fast to navigate!  And, that is just the living room! 

So, I am on the floor planning a panic attack. I just know that I am in trouble.    

Wait a minute!  What could happen to me that is worse than a leaf blower roaring in my ears?  Nothing. 

I was left in the house to guard.  And, I did my job.  Not one leaf blower made it into the house!  No, not a one!

It’s good!  The house is a mess but its all good.  You might even say that I made a good mess!  You could even say that I made a great mess!  Well, we won't push it.  Just call me a Special Unit Golden Retriever.

PRACTICING TACTICAL MOVES

Just Checking In!

Hogan Here!

TRYING TO PRETEND THIS ISN'T HAPPENING

Sometimes, days don't go as planned!  There are no tail wags or dog smiles for me at this moment.  Nothing of me is working.  Hope you are doing better!

Heidi!

Hogan Here!

Dogs are dogs.  Don't believe it!  Dog's can't be lumped into one pile of fur. 

All you need to do is be around my sister dog, Heidi, for awhile, and she'll prove that the generalization of dogs into one lump sum is a total fallacy.  Heidi is unique unto herself.

Just look at Heidi.  You'd think that Heidi's mother was a wombat and not a shepherd. It comes to mind that Heidi's situation is like Obama's when people questioned his citizenship.  All the papers are intact but people just won't buy "it".  

Heidi is proud of her differences as she takes them to a higher level.  Heidi considers herself a designer dog.

I DON'T DO "MAINSTREAM"

I'll buy the fact that she is a designer dog but I can't buy into Heidi's selected lifestyle.

Heidi runs tail from any behavioral adjustment.  This is her game.  So, no demands are placed on Heidi. But, remember, it is only a game.

When people aren't looking, Heidi is practicing how to open every type of door.  No one has caught on to why Heidi and I have been outside playing when no one has put us outside.  But, someone will soon.  Wouldn't you think?

Now, Heidi has developed a new interest.  She likes to climb to the upstairs and open all of the bedroom doors.  Then, she likes to go into an opened door, close the door, and forget how to get back out.  Then, she howls!  I think she likes the attention.  When someone releases her, she runs down the stairs like she has been gone for years and jumps the first person she finds with paws outstretched and licks to the face.  She is showered with attention, sympathy and sighs of relief only to do the same thing the next day.  Hate to admit it, but Heidi has become a designer dog with a drama queen personality.  

I don't know what Heidi is going to do next.  I don't want to think about it.  I am just glad that she is spayed!  There will only be one Heidi!  
     

Hillary Day

Hogan Here!

Today, is a Hillary Day.  While I can’t play with email, I can play outdoors. Outdoors is a great place to forget responsibility.  I’ll stand at the door until somebody puts me out!  It worked!  I’m out.  

I am looking at the backyard straight in the eye.  I’ll run the jogging course along the fence.  Golfers are on the other side of the fence.  You know, I can’t tell if the golf carts are rolling backwards or if I am really racing forwards.  A quick turn and I am running right toward the golfers.  They are busy hitting golf balls as I am barking to cheer them on.  They jump away from the fence while one grabs for his cellphone.  Perhaps a complaint.

The wind under my ears has a wispy sound as I finish the last lap of the jogging course and quickly slip onto the obstacle course.  The obstacle course is nothing but flowers sweeping down a hill overlooking a pool known as the tank in my obstacle course lingo.  Each clump of flowers invites a quick snap of my teeth as I run around them.  Petals fly everywhere and dust spews into my face.  I am at the end of the obstacle course and diving into the tank to cool off.  I feel exuberant!   No more order.  I am wet, muddy and look just like a retriever.  I am who I am.  I am great.  But as I look behind me I see nothing but floral debris and running ruts in the mud. What a mess!

I don’t think that I want another Hillary Day.  Now, Mom is looking at me as straight in the eye as I looked at the backyard.  I have to tell her that there is no precedent for punishing a dog at this address under similar circumstances.  You can keep your Hillary Day, Hillary!  I am going to hide and take an FBI nap.  Hogan Not Here! 

IT WAS A MISTAKE!

Nightmare! Don't Ever Let This Happen To You! 

Hogan Here!

Every year, in the Spring, I am driven miles away from home for photo shoots in the bluebonnets.  This year, we were too early and there wasn’t a bluebonnet in sight. Was I glad. It’s just not doglike to sit in a pile of bluebonnets!

I didn’t think that anything could make me feel less doglike until the car stopped abruptly at a fence and behind that fence were draft horses so big that the fence was dwarfed.  The heads of the horses were the size of a large dog, the eyes were only slits and the manes were white against a dark brown coat of fur showing muscles that didn’t belong on this earth.  So, I sat motionless in the car.  I didn’t even breath.  All I could think of was a horse attack.  Mom and Dad snapped picture after picture while I was turning blue.  Just as I was ready to pass out, we drove for home.

But, home became a different place for me.  Now,  I won’t go outside unless Mom goes with me.   I need to desensitize.    Since the neighborhood doesn’t have a draft horse for standard desensitization,  I am shaving away my nervous edge by barking down the pool man and his leaf blower.  Don’t like either at all and both frighten me.  Guess that they are frightened, too,  Why else would the pool company code our house as having a dangerous canine.  Just wait ‘til they get a load of the draft horse when it decides to come by. 

NIGHTMARE

TEMPTED!

Take the Oil!

Hogan Here!

As I’ve already determined, Donald Trump looks just like a Golden Retriever.  I accept him as Golden.  We are far from litter mates but you can't deny the resemblance

I know just what Donald would like to do with the oil in Irag.  He’d take it.  Why not.  He is a retriever.  As a good retriever, he’d bring everything back to the U.S. 

I am a good retiever, too.  One night, I found dog treats on the floor of the kitchen pantry.  The pantry always looks like a war zone.  Appropriately that night, I designated it as Little Iraq.  Then, I asked myself, what would Donald do with the treats?  He’d take them.  So, I took all thirty-two of the treats!  Then, I ate them. Something tells me that Donald would have not eaten the spoils. But, no Golden is perfect-not even Donald!

                                  

Old Dog

Hogan Here!

Nobody should ever call a dog an “old dog”!  Never!

Yep,  I was just called an “old dog”!  I am still a teenager!  What is old about me?  Take a look at me. 

OLD DOG NOT!

I look like I’ve been in a ground war.  Right?   Well, I have been rolling on the wet grass.  But, it's not fair to call me a old dog just because I like rolling in wet grass.  That's a put down! 

But, now, I am worried.  I don’t want anyone to call me old!  I haven't even hit teenage rebellion.   

Well, just for that, I am going grass rolling.  A little exercise will make me feel better.  And, maybe, if I roll enough, I will become green, “grassy green”.  What can be said about me then? I guess that I could be called a green, old dog. No such thing exists!  I’m going out and work on green!   

                              

                                       

Move Over Trump and Hillary

Hogan Here!

EVEN A DOG CAN DO IT BETTER!

I still think that Donald is a Golden Retriever like me. He looks just like me.  So many people attack Trump while he is only barking his opinion and plans.  I have decided to keep my opinions and plans to myself.  Good idea! No one attacks a quiet dog. 

But this quiet dog is thinking. I think that I will build a fence between Mexico and the United States.  It would only be twice as tall as myself and be of chain link so as not to block the view.  I would run that fence everyday just to invite the Mexicans to play with me.  That is what Golden’s do.  This fence running would initiate the practice of International Recreation between the United States and Mexico.   I would create and head the Department of International Recreation and serve our government proudly.

I would handsomely raise the minimum wage but not cause economic disaster with this wage increase. My solution of a minimum wage increase is to raise the wage for half of the people half of the time.  Then, reverse this process for those first affected and begin this process again for the other half of the people not affected.  I would call this program FETCH. Half the time you catch the increase and half the time you don’t. 

I would totally change our health insurance as it is currently.  Routine physicals would be free. Checking routine health would be only a tail sniff and cost not a cent as it is based on the scent of Golden Retrievers.  Why not.  This is what Goldens do.

So far, this is a lot of thinking to think about.  I think I need to chew a bone to collect my thoughts for other plans.  Can't Wait!

A Donald Moment