Godzilla With An Eating Disorder



Hogan Here!

This is my sister, Heidi.  You probably have met her before. She is cute but she is a dog with a large diagnosis.  She has a severe eating disorder with hyperactivity.  If not, my hunch is close to right.

GODZILLA DOG

Heidi has binged on the patio furniture, the pool lighting, unknown electrical wires, rocks, dog poop, dog collars, planters, a really big frog, bushes, flowers, and an assortment of bugs. 

I think that adding to Heidi’s diagnosis is that she never completes a binge.  She leaves one project only to jump into another.  Nothing is finished but possibly her welcome in our household.

Yesterday, she really did it!  She ate my Mom’s tooth guard and ear plugs.  Mom went into a state of war. 

Next thing I knew, Mom drove off like she was eight days late only to return with three muzzles of three sizes; large, extra-large and extra-extra-large.  Mom must think that Heidi is a Godzilla.  Can’t disagree!   

Immediately, Mom started to fit the muzzles. When Mom attached the extra-extra-large muzzle to Heidi’s head, Heidi was looking up at Mom through mesh and cloth and her eyes were huge with confusion. The scene was like Goldilocks and the Three Bears!  The only muzzle that worked was the third effort which was the large muzzle.  And, when it did, Mom pushed Heidi out in to the back yard in linebacker style.  I thought that the  eating disorder was straight jacketed.  Not so. Heidi ate the muzzle!  Opps!

     

Abby and Me

Hogan Here!

I can hardly wait until Abby comes over to my house.  She is about my age if you compare dog years to people years.  Abby is a people puppy that you can't buy at the pet store.

We play a bunch of games together.  One game that I really like is putting all of Mom’s ornamental fruit in piles on the living room rug.  I am not sure why I have fun, but I love to watch Abby have fun.  She loves wooden fruit so, I guess that I do, too.

Licking each other in the face is another fun game.  I always win that game because I am faster and sloppier. 

IT'S DRESS-UP.  NOT MY IDEA!

We play with books together, too.  We don’t read them.  We sit on them!   

Did I mention jumping on the couch?  We do that until we fall to the floor which happens all of the time.

But, most of all, we confide in each other. That is the best part of our friendship.  We understand each other with open hearts.  We don’t need a language, rules of fair play, or boundary vigilance.  We just love and love takes us both on sets of wings to unknown places and wonderment.  I wish the world were like Abby and me. 

Donald

Hogan here!

CAN'T DENY THIS PROFILE!

I am here!  And, Donald is there.  We look alike.  Take a look at my profile.  Now put it alongside Donald Trump’s profile.  Either I am Donald or Donald is a Golden Retriever.  Since I don’t have a bank account, I can’t be Donald.  My bet is that Donald is a Golden Retriever with money bags! 

Donald is running for President and, if he runs fast enough, as a Golden can run, he will be the first Golden Retriever in the White House. 

Of course, the first thing Donald would do as president is to conduct doggie boot camp for the plebes in his tenure. This boot camp would be just like my boot camp for Heidi and is typical of dog behavior.

I think that plebes would be just about anyone engaging with Donald,  As with any dog conducting boot camp, Donald would have to position himself as the dominant dog.  The government, under Donald, would learn to dig holes, lift their legs in the appropriate place, bark at the adversary and play dead when prudent.  I think this is pretty much what is happening in government now so Donald’s boot camp wouldn’t produce anything new.        

Unlawful approach over the White House lawn, would be quite different as well as exciting.  Donald would actually charge and bite the offender just as any good Golden would do.   Can you imagine being bitten by the President of the United States of America! How impressive! 

Governmental change would be impressive as well.  Rather than Planned Parenthood, Donald would establish Unplanned Parenthood.  No retriever plans parenthood!

Since China eats dogs and India defiles the dignity of dogs, there will be no interest for these countries in the retriever government. Jobs will be brought back to America.  And, with each job, a Golden Retriever will take the position of companion dog.  Middle class jobs and dog jobs will skyrocket.

As for our country’s borders, Donald wants to build a wall.  It is his idea.  On this issue, I don’t think that he is a pure bred Golden.  He probably is the result of Unplanned Parenthood. A pure bred Golden would welcome anyone coming or going with a smile.  But all Golden’s will rally for Donald because, after all, he Is a Golden.  What a credential!  Love you Donald!

A Donald Moment